oh my…

I had two comments after the last entry. One was from TOM (we will address him later) and the other from Lenia – who said surely I was exaggerating about the incidents that occurred – especially the one on the patio. Alas, I was not.

it started with a quilt
My first grandchild, who is still aboard her mother ship is due next month. The shower was last month. My daughter (or as Clay calls her – the planet) wanted a quilt like her yia-yia had made for her when she was born. I’ve never made a quilt before, so, I bought a sewing machine. Seems reasonable right? How hard could it be. I mean I’ve made sub-par Halloween costumes and curtain panels. And that purple gingham apron for my mom back in Home Ec class in 1972. She probably stills has it. So my $64 dollar machine (really! refurbished) and the fabric that I ordered that matched the babies bedding came and I was set. Kind of. On the Sunday before the Saturday shower Ben asked how the quilt was coming. I hadn’t started it yet. He remarked that I better get my obsessive compulsive on – and I said that I didn’t need it, as my BFF Patsy was coming tomorrow to create. Only a true friend gives up a paid holiday to sew with me. She brought her machine and we had our own little sweat shop. Truth is if she hadn’t been here, by the time the shower came I would still have been working out the math. We got all the pieces cut and put together that day and I finished it during the week. The mama to be was so surprised and happy and I was filled with pride – “What can’t I do!” Don’t answer that.

the crock pot
Dear Ms. Steinam, I don’t know what brought me to this lowly state, but it’s true, not only do I own a sewing machine, I have a crock pot. Which we used at the shower and is the weapon in this blog’s injury report. While putting the crock pot away on the top shelve, the lid slide off and clocked me in the head. I grew nostalgic for the nail in my foot. That mother was heavy and as in all good head wounds I was hemorrhaging. Stunned, dizzy, bleeding and alone. Perfect. No EMT husband to treat and release me. Woman attacked by crock pot – news at 11. I need a plastic bubble.

reuse, re-purpose, recycle
Let’s face it, my budget is shot. And I really did want to try and reuse and re-purpose at least some of the stuff I had already and not be such a consumer whore. A while back I took the dining room light and put it in the bedroom. This weekend I finally hung the light from Al’s garden. I tried to do it on my own and realized that though I have done nothing but flirt with disaster, I continue to due stupid and dangerous things in the name of this project. In order to wire and hang the light I had to stand on a stool at the top of the stairs and lean way out over the open stairwell. All this while trying to connect the white and black wires and maneuver the heavy root ball. All I could think of was that poor Ben was going to find me in a crumpled mass at the bottom of the stairs with a wire nut clutched between my fingers. Thankfully for me this didn’t happen. Although Ben was a little disappointed as he had already started to spend the insurance money. I did get it up on my own, but I wasn’t happy with it so Ben and I did it the next day. Voices were raised. But now it’s up and I love it.

Then I moved the light that was at the top of the stairs to the office. Using the parts from the light that had been in the bedroom. All I can say about that is if you are resourceful, have a lot of leftover shit stored in the basement and get pissed off enough you can accomplish anything. The bedroom is complete with my great grandfathers candle holders and cupboard (repainted) our painting and candlesticks from Greece, one of my paintings (re-framed). I need a side lamp for my Mom, but other than that, she done. The office is complete and functioning well. I wanted it noted that the vacuum is in the closet and the closet door is closed! I did conclude that whoever invented the louvered door never had to paint one. ANYWAY I’ve even had clients in here and not been embarrassed. I re-purposed the entertainment center, the upstairs light and my drawing table. Not bad. I left all my art supplies down stairs for now. Not sure how I’m going to do this as I’m uncomfortable with the sewing machine replacing paint and paper. But I’m liking the neat and organized. So unlike me.

the TOM story (it’s the best I could do under pressure)
TOM called after the last blog to say he was not happy with me. I had not mentioned him in two weeks! This was not acceptable. He had to be in the next blog, in a positive way, or he was ending our friendship. Unlike the president, I do negotiate with terrorists. I was worried I wasn’t going to have a story, until I started sewing. Over a year ago my iron broke. Well it worked, it was just really dangerous! Anyway I borrowed TOM and Al’s iron. I don’t iron so replacing mine was not an issue. When I returned it I told them this was the Mercedes Benz of irons. Holy Cow! They said, take it any time, as they always do, so generous…On my way downstairs to work on the quilt I thought, I’m going to have to go next door and get the iron. As I put my fabric down I noticed that I still had the IRON. I must have borrowed it months ago, because I don’t even remember the last time I ironed anything. (I don’t have to dress for success – I get to wear my jammies) so either TOM irons less then I do (TOM doesn’t iron) or he replaced his iron without making me feel like a loser for keeping it so long. I still have it. Okay, it’s not a great story, but it has a moral. As I have said before…DON”T BORROW ME SHIT.

the curtains
Now that I had a sewing machine I decided to make my own curtains and duvet. I knew I wanted black and white and lime green for my colors, but couldn’t find a duvet that I liked that had two different sides wasn’t $300. During my search I came across an IKEA duvet that had letters on in. I like letters and fonts and words and type – it speaks to my graphic design sensibilities but I didn’t want it on both sides. But then I found and IKEA duvet that had black and white circles. Voila – off to EBay were I got both duvets and 4 pillow cases for $50. I deconstructed both duvets and put them back together, had an extra sheet to make a top sheet and had already purchased a new blanket for the upstairs bed, so I moved the green quilt downstairs. Reuse. Done! But the windows were a different story. This is so convoluted I think I’m going to use short hand…didn’t buy enough white fabric – had to reorder – out of stock – went somewhere else – not the same “white” – made two – too skinny – ordered more fabric – cut too short (fucking math) (people may not noticed that the whites don’t match – but they sure as shit will notice if your curtain is too short by 4″ – It’s like that poor Amish kid in the short pants) – patched bottom – can’t see it when opened. Wrinkled fabric – iron – ouch – steam – ouch – iron – hang. That was so easy, maybe I should write all my posts like that!

In my office I hung the drawing my Dad gave me that reads “there has never been a day when I have not been proud of you, I said to my daughter. Though some days I’m louder about other stuff so it’s easy to miss that.” I know! right?

What’s next? The kitchen. But first I have to put on my Elf Hat. It’s a good looking lid. I’m making FIVE Christmas presents, shopping for the rest, building two websites, a newsletter and laying out a 60 page document that is written in Somali. I don’t do Somali, so that should be interesting. Maybe TOM is right, I’m not happy if I don’t have something to bitch about. But I’d sure like to be.

TOM was mentioned six times in this blog.